Thursday, October 9, 2014

The Secret of being Happily Married for 42 years.

I love this old video, Johnny Lingo. It shows the change love can make in a life. He reminds me of my husband who has helped me become the person I am now.

I can remember being married only two years and wondering if we would make it to our fourth year anniversary. Now we have been married for 42 years and it just keeps getting better! Some wonder if we just found our "soul mate".  Others declare that they would have a good marriage if only their husband was like mine (unfortunately no man has ever declared that he wants a wife like me, but I'm going to ignore that) . I know they are serious, so I try not to burst out laughing!

I have seen college students waiting for the "perfect" woman or man to magically appear, then they will marry. I hate to tell them that they will have a terribly long wait, and even if they found the "perfect" person, would that person think they are "perfect" enough. Not likely!

I listened. I was curious. What were the qualities of this perfect mate? The students began describing the "perfect" woman. Of course she would be strikingly beautiful with a great figure, intelligent, talented, kind, loving, endlessly patient, a gourmet cook, immaculate housekeeper, share all his interests, and be fun. Of course the "perfect" man would be tall, dark, handsome, intelligent, athletic, wealthy, capable of fixing anything, entertaining, and constantly doting on her every wish and need.

Once again I struggled to keep from laughing! What they each wanted was a person to meet all their needs and need nothing from them. It was as if they were picking out a Barbie or Ken doll. They didn't want a real person with real needs. They wanted a fantasy. This fantasy mate that is presented in movies and on the internet simply doesn't exist. At least I've never met one, and we certainly aren't anyone's fantasy.

First of all fantasy mates are always young and beautiful. I am 64 and he is nearly 68, so we flunk right off. I can remember when I was young and dumb (early twenties) and I saw this older couple. She was very short and very wide and very old (50). I wondered how he could love her, but now I know. Love isn't something you earn, but something you give. We are all children of God. We all have worth. We all can love.

My husband loves me, a middle aged, plump, gray haired woman, not because I am so striking, but because he is a loving person We share the memories of struggles and joys, of raising children, of triumphs and disappointments, and of illness and aging.  Even if he develops dementia and doesn't remember me, I will always love him. Love is a decision of the heart.

I like to express my feelings in simple poems. see  Topics - Marriage
"Fantasy Princes" and "Should"

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